Confession, I believe a married woman can still be a feminist, even if she has taken her husband’s surname. I have been married for almost a year now and I never for a moment questioned that taking my husband’s surname was the right thing to do.
Mr & Mrs *insert groom’s surname here*
When I got married, society automatically assumed I would be taking my husband’s surname, never mind what my friends and family thought or even what my own personal views of it was.
I used to work at a big name retailer in their wedding list department. Any time a couple registered it was done under two different names and then the system automatically put them both under the groom’s surname after the wedding.
I do completely agree that this needs to change and update with the times, the couple should be asked if there will be a surname change.
Taking my husband’s surname
For me, changing my name was all part of the excitement of getting married and I never not considered taking my husband’s surname. Does that mean I am not a true feminist, or worse, am I a bad feminist?
I was never one of those kids that dreamt about her wedding day since she was four years old (which, FYI, I find very concerning about children who do), but growing up with married parents with the same surname (my Dad’s obviously), I have always considered it as being the thing you do.
People get married for a whole number of reasons, and although I have never not felt secure in my relationship, being married has for both my husband and I, bound us together even tighter. Also, we both believe in marriage, it was always going to be step we took and I think especially when you plan on having children, you should all share something beyond living under the same roof and the family cat.
Feminist and married
Feminism takes on a number of forms and nowadays, there is no one unilateral meaning. Feminism means different things to many people. There are some feminists still stuck in wave one when the suffragettes were out marching for the vote; there are also some non-feminists who still anchor their perception of feminism and being feminist to that time in history.
But feminism has moved on so much since then, what number wave we’re currently riding I don’t know as I left academic theory in the fourth wave, when we were beyond girl power and sitting more in the era of all fighting for equality for both men and women alike.
Feminism is not bra burning, it is not man hating, it is not poor me stuck in the house looking after the children while my husband is out at work. But it is, why am I not earning as much as my male colleague in the same role? Why don’t I have the same right as my wife to have x months off at home with my newborn baby? Why do men sit at the top of many organisations? Why are more women not on boards?
Our gender should not define our pay packet, or our rights in this country/world, whether we’re in the west, east, Africa or the United Kingdom; Muslim, Christian or Jewish.
A feminist doesn’t stop thinking this way just because she changed her surname to that of her husband.
What are your thoughts on this? By taking my husband’s surname when I got married, as do hundreds and thousands of other women, does that make us any less of a feminist?
Until next time x
Author 26th September 2020 / 3:25 pm
Hi, firstly many thanks for reading the post and for commenting. This post was written in early 2017 and a lot has changed in that time, including me. I completely respect your comment about calming down but in this post I address that feminism comes in many forms and has come a long way since the first wave, therefore to say my argument is counter to feminism is wrong purely because you and I may interpret feminism differently. I have never said or assumed that a woman’s identity is changed or erased, at the time I felt that women didn’t need to express their anger in capital letters about taking their husband’s surname. Marriage is for many women a choice, and as part of that choice is the taking of the husband’s surname, so while it’s still assumed a woman will change her name, she doesn’t have to.
Opinion is healthy and I do appreciate you taking the time to read and comment, you’ve also brought to my attention that this posts needs updating which I will do taking on board your comments and addressing my own revised view.