Squad Goals & Why I don’t want to be in your Gang

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Hey Sweeties,

I don’t think it’s just me to notice, but the media in 2016 was obsessed with inventing a million new buzz words that suddenly, and quite unconsciously, entered our everyday vocabulary. This also applies to trends and today I want to address this whole (girl) #squad bollocks that mostly seemed to attach itself to Taylor Swift and the like.

Taylor Swift alone I could write a whole blog post on. I love her music and while she is absolutely totally free to date and shag who she likes (21st Century 4th wave feminism n’all), the other half of me just thinks she shouldn’t flaunt it quite so much (because I’m married and nearly thirty which seems to have had an effect on how I  view certain behaviour).

Anyway.

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MTV The Hills: Five things I learnt that shaped my twenties

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I don’t know about you, but if you’re anything like me I can almost guarantee that you were obsessed with MTV The Hills! I just couldn’t get enough and to this day if I manage to catch re runs on TV, I am still completely absorbed.

Regardless of all the controversy that came out after the show ended, when it was revealed the show was pretty much entirely scripted (which to be honest, we all knew didn’t we!?), there was still a lot to love and a lot to learn as we watched Lauren and the gang forge their careers and life in LA.

Here are my top five lessons I took from MTV The Hills:

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Sometimes it’s Okay to admit that you’re Lonely

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Hey Sweeties,

Social media is just one big highlight reel, we know this. On a weekend, Instagram particularly is full of avocado mash on toast; cups of tea; and people’s pajama bottoms on white bed sheets.

Lonely

I’m lonely, I’m real fucking lonely.

I have friends, of course I do, but I’ve moved around so much I don’t live near any of them.

I’m too old to be hitting the clubs with the teens but inside, I know I still have this unspent energy to go wild in Ibiza; but I’ll never get that opportunity because life. It’ll also get to like 1AM and I’ll probably want my bed.

There’s a difference between living and being alive. I love life but the last time I really felt alive and had this amazing energy pulse through me was last October in Las Vegas. We were out on the strip and it was one of those rare moments where great company, a great location and being away from your real life just synced together and it was incredible.

Sometimes I can forget being lonely and have an amazing day out with myself because fortunately I am my own best friend and I like me. But sometimes I just need somebody else there too. “But you’re married?” I hear you shout; yes I am and my husband is my best friend and my rock in life, but life means he often works late and at weekends. So yeah, you can be married and lonely.

So what’s the solution?

Well sometimes it’s okay to just be like, you know what? today I just don’t care. Sit at home on the sofa and watch Disney. Other times, you make yourself go out because often I need little to enjoy myself and once I’m out, I can easily find enjoyment in the everyday. But it’s okay to be sad.

Tomorrow I won’t be lonely, today I am and that’s why I have written this post and in a minute, I might go out for a long walk, or I might continue just sitting. It’s just life and sometimes we forget to be honest with everyone, always hiding behind a handful of highlight reels that give a false illusion of perfection. Not everyone even likes avocado.

Until next time x

Sunday Chat: The Price of Friendship

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The price of friendshipHey Sweeties,

We all experience times within our friendship groups where gradually each of us reaches a new chapter of life that are a cause of huge celebration and as friends you are only but willing to congratulate but above all, share in the experience of the celebrations. When your friends buy their first house together, you gather with food and champagne and admire the bricks they have purchased, toasting them many happy years in their new abode. When they have babies you (silently) gather around the crib bearing gifts and coos and queue for the first of many cuddles. When they get engaged you are thrilled, marking the date in the diary as soon as the eagerly anticipated invitation lands on the door mat. So what happens then when you find out the stag or hen do, however fantastic and fun it sounds, is something you can’t afford to participate in but the rest of the group can? What happens when the wedding is not just a simple Saturday afternoon that ends in the small hours of the next morning but is actually abroad or is maybe longer than a weekend requiring annual leave and again, costs more than you can afford? How heart-breaking can it be to see people you have been friends with for years celebrate their next chapter without you there with them, forever in the knowledge that you missed out? Fancy not being able relive the embarrassing horrors of the hen/stag do or remember fondly experiences from the day itself because you missed it all?

When a couple choose to get married, they can do it wherever and whatever they like, it’s their big day and how they choose to celebrate it is absolutely down to them. These days, nothing is impossible providing the budget supports it and for the most part the couple do take on all the costs themselves. For those that get to attend the wedding(s) it’s both a privilege and a brilliant memory maker, something friends and family will remember forever. Lush!

Lately however, I am witnessing friends and colleagues (myself included) being priced out of celebrations or, in most cases, putting themselves in debt so that they don’t miss out and this mainly applies to the stag/hen do rather than the wedding itself. If you have seen the film, Bridesmaids, you can see how certain things can cause huge rifts between friends because they simply feel priced out of the occasion. This not only causes arguments, it changes and tests even the strongest of friendships. It feels like it’s more important to have a whole weekend (or week) filled with several (expensive) activities in order to feel like you are adequately being sent into married life, than having simple day/night out somewhere, albeit with a overnight stay attached onto the end of it. I just do not understand why people think it’s ok to expect friends to fork out so much money for these things. You fundamentally end up surrounding yourself with those that can afford to join in rather than perhaps your closest buddies, those you actually want there.

I am not trying to put a dampener upon something I myself will sooner or later experience for myself and I of course will only want to surround myself with people that want to share in my excitement and planning for the big day. But no way will I expect people to spend a large amount of their well earned cash on me just for the sake of a hen do. I do think it is important to have that time for yourself and your closest friends (& family) to honour that you will soon be married, I also can see how some people want to celebrate getting married by having a decent send off, there is nothing wrong with that but there is when the cost of it splits up a friendship group.

We are in a time where unfortunately, attending a wedding/hen/stag do no longer simply requires a new outfit and a strong stomach; it requires a much bigger sacrifice of time and money. Family and friends don’t need an excuse to attend a wedding of a loved one; they are there because they are your nearest and dearest and they will be there whatever the cost, but why put them in a financial disposition when you don’t need to, it’s unfair.

Unfortunately Sweeties, I am sad to report that I will no longer be Maid of Honour at my best friend’s wedding. We’re no longer even friends as I was simply priced out of the friendship. Nine years gone over words shared that I am sure are now regretted but without solid foundations of equal proportion, even the strongest of looking houses eventually collapse.

Until next time x

Overcoming Mental Health – Booking my First Trip with Trek America

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Hey Sweeties,

I want to tell you something really exciting that I did this weekend but first I need to provide you with some context to it so please read what I have to say and then hopefully join me in being really excited too!

Here goes.

Without deliberately jumping on the same bandwagon that it seems we’re all on, I have spoken about my experience with anxiety because it’s important you know me beyond what I wear on the outside, and also it’s because sufferers should hold their hands up and reveal how common something like anxiety and mental health is. The Incident of the Mr Whippy told you how certain -completely random- situations spark an overwhelming sense of vulnerability and exposure in me and I panic. I am also an over thinker and stress about things that haven’t even happened yet. I seem to overload myself with worry and this stress which unsurprisingly after a while breaks me and I find myself in tears, sometimes for the most trivial things.

The real thing I suffer with though, is depression. Not all the time and until recently I thought it was very much in the past but it never is only in the past. Mental health doesn’t just go away, instead it lingers under the surface, remaining dormant and poised ready to take hold when you weaken. The trick is to be able to know when you’re slipping and take measures to catch yourself from falling before you hit the ground.

So,

With all of the above in mind, lately I haven’t been feeling myself at all. I have become somewhat nervous in my person, I am having some stresses about work, about aspects of the future and I’ll be honest with you guys, also a battle with loneliness; this isn’t who I used to be. As you get older, once you’ve left school and University, meeting people and making friends is a real challenge, it doesn’t come easy. As I am sure I have mentioned before (?) I have moved twelve times and I attended five schools (4 primary, 1 secondary) therefore I have known no one my whole life. When I make friends I have ended up moving away. Until 2007 that was the fault of my parents, since then it has been my own doing. In finding out who I want to be and what I want to do, I have upped sticks and moved to new locations and jobs to find what it is I am looking for. So it should come as no surprise that my career is everything to me and being and becoming successful is crucial otherwise I would feel as though I sacrificed for nothing.

When I was surrounded by people, I adored my independence and the ability to go off and do things on my own. Now, except for when I am with Ian, I have no choice but to be on my own most of the time. Fortunately I don’t mind my own company and of course I do have several friends that have clung on while I have done my thing and when possible I go and visit them.  But something is missing; in me and in my life.

So I did something quite exciting this weekend.

Trek America

Yes Sweeties, I booked myself a trip with Trek America

I am now broke for the foreseeable future as it’s going to take a real commitment to save for but importantly, it gives me something to look forward to and in doing that, will keep myself afloat if you catch my drift. Next October I am flying out to LA and spending two weeks travelling up and back the west coast taking in places such as Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon, Yosemite National Park and San Francisco to name just a few.

I. Can’t. Wait!

So why Trek America? Because I need to remember the person I used to be. I used to be so willingly independent and fearless. I also feel that I haven’t really had that travelling experience that I think everyone should have. I am also a couple of years away from properly committing myself to Ian and I think before that happens, I need to go and do something like this. Something on my own. Something with a totally new group of people that I have never met and share something totally unforgettable.

So guys, when I post about beauty and skincare a lot of you flock to those posts in your ‘likes’ which is great but you disappear somewhat when I post about other things (like this)… or you’re there, but you don’t let me know you’ve been. The blogging community should be about showing your support when it matters, not only when someone does a little haul purchasing the same things that so many others have. There are products out there that last all day and we applaud them, but what about those things that ingrain on someone a lifetime? No one is quick to applaud then. No one ‘likes’ depression or anxiety and so many I feel keep their blogs happy and fun places which they absolutely should be, but you’ll never truly know the person behind it all.

Some will criticise that I have been too honest with you, some will like that I have. But I am not all about the beauty, I like to talk about what is real, what is happening or things that have happened that I want to tell you guys about such as my trips to New York City. I want to attract those that can relate and allow me to follow and show my support back.

I love you guys!

Until next time x

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