Career Anxiety: Is there a right time to have a Baby?

Hey Sweeties,

Is there a right time to have a baby? This question whirled around my head throughout my twenties while I focused on developing my career in marketing. On my list of career anxieties, when to have a baby was at the top.

In short I tried to orchestrate a perfect career break to become a mum thinking I could squeeze in some career progression before baby arrived and it all went to shit.

Baby Changes Everything

Here’s the first thing I have learnt since the arrival of my son: Your career will never quite be the same after you have children. Even if you return back to work early, and/or into the exact same role as you left and with the same fire in your belly to do well and succeed, you’re now a mum and your career is now being juggled with caring for your children, your home, and life overall.

Planning my Baby Break

Once my husband and I were ready for children, I made the decision to move jobs to have a few months on a higher salary in a new role that would progress me before taking some time out. I had exhausted all my opportunities at my current work place and it was time to move on.

However, the first place I moved to my new manger was a bullying bitch so I quit within three months (read about that in more detail here), then after a couple of months of unemployment while I recovered some confidence, the next company I joined the role was made redundant after six months… brilliant!

Looking back the redundancy was a kind of blessing in disguise as I didn’t feel the company was a good fit for me but the worst thing was that I was by this point nine weeks pregnant and unemployed for the second time that year. This meant that I rocked up to my next employer pregnant!

I may discuss this in more detail in another post but what I will say quickly on the whole turning up to a new place of work expecting a baby, is that my new boss took the news wonderfully. Obviously it’s not ideal and I wouldn’t go repeating that situation again where possible, but life only but moves on and you’ve got to roll with what it throws at you.

Lean In

A couple of years ago I read Lean in by Sheryl Sandberg and her words have never left me.

I appreciate things work very differently in America for pregnant women and families but Sheryl Sandberg’s concept still applies, (women should) lean in for as long as possible. Do you think men slow themselves down ahead of starting a family? Well then.

Sheryl’s concept is simple, if you are ready to start a family but you still feel the drive to continue doing well in your work (like I did), don’t slow down, why should you? If there is an opportunity for progression, either at your current place of work or elsewhere… go for it!

Yes you could stick around in the job you don’t really like or isn’t really a good fit for you anymore for another year, but maybe getting pregnant doesn’t happen straight away, you’re then essentially wasting time when you could be progressing. If another place wants you, there’s still a lot to be achieved in say six months before you’re off for a bit.

(Of course I understand that things are often easier said than done).

In Summary

So, is there a right time to have a baby? Based on my own experience and in hindsight, once I made the decision to begin planning for a family I might have been better off staying put instead of trying to navigate another leap up the career ladder. But I’m only saying that in hindsight knowing what I do now with how my personal experience went.

Every person’s situation is different though but what I learnt was that even with the best intentions, I don’t think there really is a right time to have a baby, and certainly don’t plan too hard about when it might be a good time to dip out of work for a bit.

You can plan down to the most intricate of details about when to have a baby but honestly, when you look back on your life in years to come, the baby years will be a fraction of time. I’ve said it before here, but you could dedicate your entire thirties to having a family, and STILL have at least 25 years to have a career afterwards.

Even though my journey to motherhood was a bit rocky on the career front, I still achieved my goal that I set myself back in my early twenties, that by the time I hit my thirties, I would have gone over a certain salary target and be in a good role that I ultimately wanted to return back to.

Until next time x