Being a mum is a roller coaster journey, I have never experienced something so rewarding and challenging at the same time… and I am only six and a half months into it! I also have struggled with the speed in which things can change, not so much in my baby’s development and growth, but how you can be having a good day and then something happens that completely flips it on its head, and vice versa. This can apply not just to days, but weeks and months also.
I would advocate that the hardest part overall for me, until week 23 (shortly before my son turned six months old), was feeding him. This sounds crazy I know but any new parent will relate that it really is not straightforward, whether you choose to breastfeed or use formula (or both).
In the first few months, babies literally eat, sleep, poop repeat and I always figured that the sleeping would be the hard part. We have had our sleep struggles, sure, but for me the lack of sleep is just all part of having children. But my son’s weight going up and down on that bloody centile graph has caused me no end of problems, tears and stress!
Breastfeeding
I made the decision a long time ago that I would always try breastfeeding first, my key argument being (albeit naively) that it’s free food available on tap 24/7 for my baby on a demand basis. That being said, I have never had a problem with formula and in addition to my decision to breastfeed, I also decided that I would have a box of formula in the cupboard just in case. Well thank goodness I did!
My first week as a new mum was so stressful. My son and I stayed on in the labor ward for an extra day following his birth as I needed some monitoring, but then we were back in hospital the following afternoon after being discharged as the visiting midwife had some concerns that he was a little jittery and not feeding as much as he should have been (he was absolutely fine, just still super sleepy from coming into the world).
Fortunately we were discharged the following afternoon by which point I just wanted to lock myself away at home, with no more interference from people and just crack on with caring for Austin, as well as concentrating on my own recovery following childbirth… but actually, I did still need help.
Colostrum & Booby Milk
Even though we had learned a little bit about it in my NCT classes, I was still very unsure about colostrum (the ‘liquid gold’ your breasts produce before your milk comes in). I had zero faith that my body had actually produced any (it had), I didn’t understand how to harvest it (hand express into a syringe), and I really struggled in how to help Austin latch properly onto my breast so he could get what he needed in those early few days.
Even though everyone says breast milk comes in on day 3, my milk didn’t arrive until day 5. By this point I had already had to resort to using formula for Austin even though I always kept trying to encourage him to latch onto me first, but I honestly still didn’t really know what I was doing with breastfeeding.
This made me sad as I thought our breastfeeding journey had ended before it had properly had a chance to get started. Fortunately my mum remembered (while I was on the phone to her bawling my eyes out) we had purchased nipple shields and encouraged me to give them a go and praise be they worked as Austin just thought he was drinking from a new type of bottle, and the milk was sooo much tastier!
It took another week before he was entirely off formula and we were signed off from the midwife. I was really proud once he was exclusively breastfed (albeit still with the aid of nipple shields) and amazed we had managed to pull it back to my original goal.
Health Visitors and Weigh-ins
For another few weeks we exclusively breastfed and he was a happy and alert baby (he’s also long and slim). He never suggested he was hungry and he fed whenever and for as long as he needed. However, even though I felt we were doing well, a routine weigh-in with the Health Visitors changed all that as he wasn’t gaining weight quick enough and I felt so deflated, I even burst into tears at my baby massage group as I thought I was failing.
Ultimately it’s how you are communicated to as a (new) mum. Health Visitors can be really negative, intentional or not. But our GP was really positive, he said Austin was a lovely healthy baby but he would benefit from an extra bottle or two of formula. The Health Visitors put me as a cause for concern which was completely unnecessary, so Austin from about eight weeks became combi-fed.
My breastfeeding journey came to a close following his routine monthly weigh-in at 23 weeks, we discovered that he had dropped five grams and this was the final nail in the coffin for breastfeeding. We had managed to learn how to feed without the use of nipple shields and I’m really proud of Austin and I for achieving this, and even though I wanted to continue for longer, I was slightly relieved that I could move him onto bottle/formula full-time and stop dreading the weigh-ins.
Happy Mum Happy Baby
At the end of the day, regardless of advice, however well-meaning (and you will get TONS) you know your baby the best and it’s this you need to learn to trust. A fed baby is a happy baby but mum needs to be happy too.
I will definitely breastfeed again for any future children but I will have a much better understanding about colostrum and a renewed confidence (and trust) my body can feed my baby. I won’t hesitate to use nipple shields again if needed, but actually I think more importantly, I will try to nurture myself better as I think learning to be a mum has been so all consuming I have forgotten myself a little in the process. But more on that another day I think.
Are you a new mum? What has your feeding journey been like?
Until next time x
